blind devotion
by staringatstars07
Summary: All Touya wants to do is protect his family but, strangely, Shouto is making his #1 goal rather difficult by insisting Endeavor train him instead.


Often, children are afraid.

The world outside their homes is a big, scary place, after all. Some of them fear the thunder, others the dark, and still others the monsters that hide just out of sight, darting in and out of shadows when they turn their heads. For some, however, the house they grow up in is the only world they know.

For some, the monsters lurk inside.

Touya grew up believing his life was normal until he went to school, where he learned that some mothers and fathers loved each other. He learned that hitting and yelling were bad things that hurt people's feelings, and if you did those bad things, you would get in trouble.

He used to listen to the teacher tell his classmates to play nice, reprimanding his friends sometimes for calling others names or playing too rough and making them apologize, never understanding why his dad never got in trouble.

There were times when he wanted to ask, but couldn't gather the nerve. Touya was afraid the teacher would be upset with him, or worse, tell his father about his questions. He would get upset and their mom would get in trouble, just like she always did when any of them did something the hero Endeavor didn't like, and Touya couldn't risk it. Not unless his mom was safe.

He learned the word noble when he looked up the definition of hero on a school computer. Heroes were supposed to be brave, which his father was, but they were also supposed to be righteous, good, and honorable. Touya learned many words that day, none of which he could use to describe Endeavor.

As he grew older, the worship and admiration Endeavor garnered for being ranked second sickened him. The announcers sang his praises when he arrived on the scene, not knowing that the bruises left on his battered wife's cheek was turning an ugly mottled green as they spoke, and all because she'd tried to protect Shouto from the very hero they were lauding.

Their youngest brother was something of an enigma to him and the rest of Touya's siblings. They were deemed genetic failures so they could play together in the courtyard, but Shouto wielded the quirks of both their parents, making him perfect in Endeavor's eyes, a tool that would guarantee his legacy. For the most part, Shouto was buried in his studies and training. The most Touya knew about him were the patchwork collection of bruises spattering his ribcage, and the desperation in his eyes they all pretended not to see whenever he was dragged into the dojo.

However, it wasn't until he caught Shouto limping pitifully to his room with his thin arms wrapped around his midsection, tear tracks drying on his cheeks, that he finally decided enough was enough, and demanded Endeavor train him, instead.

That was around when Shouto started to change.

One morning, Shouto came down to breakfast in a daze, stared intensely at their mother, then silently began to cry. His shoulders trembling, he broke down, and no matter what any of them said or did, was utterly inconsolable.

Shouto aged a thousand years in ten minutes, and none of them could do a thing.

After their mother sent Shouto back to bed, staying with him to make sure he was alright, Touya leaned towards Fuyumi, asking in a furious whisper, "What did Endeavor do to him?"

She glanced up from her plate, the shadows under her eyes partially obscured by long white bangs with the occasional splash of red, then released a gusty sigh. "He's probably just overwhelmed." The answer disappointed him. It sounded just like the kind of thing a therapist who knew nothing of their circumstances would say. Then he noticed her staring with a frown at the bandages peeking out from under his sleeves and liked it even less. "He knows where those injuries you try to cover up are coming from. He probably blames himself."

"He shouldn't. We already know who's to blame. And if any of this country's so-called heroes were doing their jobs, Endeavor wouldn't be anywhere near us."

"They can't be everywhere at once, Touya," she replied patiently, as though explaining an upsetting truth to a child. "Bad things happen all the time. It's not like they're psychic."

Touya stood up, starting to pace around the kitchen as his temper began to boil over. "But some are. If they can't save everyone, then they shouldn't act so cocky, _especially_ if there's a villain in their ranks and none of them has a clue!" It wasn't until Fuyumi flinched that he realized he was yelling. The sight of her shrinking from him filled him with shame that burned in his throat, tasting of bile in his mouth.

Instead of apologizing like he wanted, he turned around sharply and left the room, leaving Fuyumi to finish breakfast alone.

* * *

"Again."

Doubled over at the waist, soaked bangs clinging to his sweat-soaked forehead, Touya growled at the ground. Endeavor loomed over him, his arms folded over his barrel chest, a look of perpetual disappoint on his face. Not for the first time, Touya thought about how much he hated his father, and how nice it would be to drop him in the middle of the ocean with weights tied to his feet.

Ever since they resumed his training, they've been trying to increase the temperature of his flames, but while his quirk and appearance resembled Endeavor's, his flesh and bone were his mother's. It was why he was a defect. His skin couldn't handle heightened temperatures. The ugly welts and broken, weeping blisters crawling up his arms were a testament to that.

Without the ability to regulate, without ice, he was burning on the outside and boiling on the inside.

Endeavor snarled; the crown of flames he wore climbing. "I told you - Do it again."

The old man wasn't going to be satisfied until his hellish training regiment killed him.

Actually, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. The other heroes may have been able to turn a blind eye to their precious Number #2 abusing his wife and kids, but not even he could get away with murder.

With his father egging him on, Touya pushed his quirk past its limits, feeling the temperature rise higher and higher without respite, until he didn't know how to stop it. The heat was melting him away.

A chilly breeze swept over him, gently extinguishing his flames, and Touya gasped, his knees falling out from under him. It wasn't until he'd finished gulping for cool air that he noticed Shouto standing beside him, his multi-colored eyes staring defiantly up at their father. His mouth was moving. Touya struggled to understand. "...ave to train me instead."

He fiercely shook his head, trying to dislodge the words. What was the point of everything he'd done if Shouto was sacrificed?

Of course, Endeavor ignored him. He only had eyes for his youngest now. "And why should I train you?"

Small fists curled up at his sides, Shouto averted his face from Touya's horrified gaze, casting it down in shame. He trembled, a whisper falling from his lips, so low Endeavor barked at him to speak up. Raising his head, Shouto repeated with a defiant set to his jaw, "Because I'm stronger than he is."

Shielded by the younger brother he barely knew, discarded by the father he wished he'd never known, Touya wanted to toss his head back and scream. He wanted to stand up and punch his hand through a wall, to raise his arms to the sky and burn the whole rotten dojo to ash, but his body refused to listen. Even so, he found the will to reach for the boy in front of him, catching his sleeve just as Shouto began to step towards their father. Startled by the unexpected resistance, as though he'd never expected his brother to fight for him, Shouto stared back at him with wide, frightened eyes. It broke Touya's heart a thousand times over, "I can't let you do this," and a thousand times again when Shouto responded by forcing an unconvincing smile, "Everything's going to be alright, I promise. Don't worry about me."

But before Touya could correct him, remind Shouto that it was his job to worry about his siblings, Endeavor raised an open palm in his direction, shooting off a blast of flame that took him by the chest and launched him out of the dojo and into the courtyard, where his body skidded against the gravel until the friction slowed him down.

It was so tempting to just… lay there. Let someone else come to the rescue. But just like always, no hero would come to save the day. It was up to them to save themselves.

Off-kilter due to the beating he'd taken, it took him a minute to lift himself off the ground. His knees buckled. His vision blurred like he was staring through a haze. None of it mattered, though. What mattered was that his heart was still beating. If he was breathing, then he could fight. If he could fight, then he could win. And that was what he had to do.

One step at a time, Touya trudged back to their personal hell with burned limbs hanging uselessly at his sides. Pale blue eyes glazed over, he managed to get one foot on the walkway before a second explosion erupted from the dojo, followed by a cry of agony that sent a chill through his blood even as the flames battered heat against the arms he'd thrown over his face.

Smoke billowed from the entrance. Through the coughs wracking his chest, Touya called out for Shouto. Behind him, he could hear their mother rounding the corner of the walkway, her bare feet pounding on the wooden flooring. When she saw him, she ran to his side, asking questions he couldn't answer, "What happened, Touya? Why are you so hurt?" He shook his head, watching as the fear in her eyes grew. "Where's Shouto?"

Before Touya could stop her, she darted inside. He followed.

Endeavor was standing in the same place as before. At his feet, Shouto lay curled up into a tight ball, his hands clasped over his left eye as great, broken sobs ripped from his throat. Their mother fell to her knees at his side, cradling him in her arms. With an expression of ice, she demanded an explanation from the man she married, and received none.

Endeavor stared stoically down at his youngest son, but said nothing to exonerate himself.

And though their mother in her patience was a mountain, her rage was an avalanche. It swallowed her husband, and before he realized what was happening, the house was empty.

His children, his legacy, were gone. Erased from his life like morning frost in the sunlight.

In the rush of motion and sound, there was no time to talk about what he'd witnessed in the dojo, so Touya kept it to himself, doing his best to comfort Fuyumi and Natsuo, who were bewildered and scared, but also filled with sudden, blooming hope.

Even the prettiest cage could be a prison. Now, they were free.

It wasn't the time to mention how, when their mother rushed to their youngest brother's side, his cries subsided, and when she directed her buried feelings at Endeavor with the ferocity of a blizzard and the concentrated force of a bullet, unbeknownst to either of them, beneath Shouto's hands was a smile.

She took them to a cabin in the middle of the woods. It was somewhere out of the city, away from the cameras and lights, from anything that might let Endeavor know where they were hiding. Although Shouto was quiet the entire trip, and mostly kept to himself, Touya did the best he could to rebandage his wounds once they settled into their new rooms.

"Sit up on the bed, Shouto." As always, Shouto obeyed without question, hopping up on the mattress with the plaid comforter like he was in a dream. When Touya reached to unwrap his bandages, though, he openly flinched.

He was wary around Mom, looked at their siblings like he was staring at ghosts, and tensed whenever Touya got too close. It was awful to see him acting like this, especially with them. Endeavor had hurt him, so of course he'd be scared, but their mother? Fuyumi? Natsuo?

_Him?_

More than once, Touya contemplated dying his hair. Maybe if he didn't look so much like their father, Shouto wouldn't be frightened of him, anymore. He even muttered the idea aloud while he was working with him, and finally got a reaction from his little brother, though it wasn't what he'd expected.

"Don't do it," Shouto muttered. "I like your hair the way it is."

Touya cocked his head, suppressing a smile. "Okay." He gave Shouto a light pat on the head. "Red it is, then. Unless you change your mind." Judging by the flat look Shouto fixed him with in response, he probably never would.

And maybe, someday, Touya could learn to be okay with that.

* * *

Every morning, birdsong drifted in from the woods outside. It was nice for a while. Although the cabin was smaller than their former home, it was like each of them finally had room to breathe.

Fuyumi read her favorite books out in the open, even practicing her music out on the porch. Natsuo discovered a love for ice sculpture he'd never been able to cultivate in such a tense environment. For the first time in their lives, they were able to use their quirks in ways they enjoyed without fear of consequence. Most importantly, they got to be themselves, and to learn more about each other.

Natsuo liked sashimi and swimming in the ocean. His least favorite season was, somewhat oddly, summer.

Fuyumi wanted to be a teacher. She was patient and good with kids, so Touya thought it suited her. Her favorite food was ice cream, and in her free time, she liked to watch soap operas, even tearing up at the sentimental parts.

It was like Touya was getting to know his siblings for the first time.

The cabin functioned as their safe space, which was exactly why their mother's relatives had purchased it for them. Her family had known not everything was perfect between Rei and her husband, had even suspected they were fighting, but they'd never thought he would dare lay a hand on her. Thanks to their support, their mother was able to send Fuyumi and Natsuo to a local school, where Natsuo joined the football team and Fuyumi formed a study group.

Unlike the others, Shouto stayed home.

He would stare out the window for hours, the shadows shifting over his features as the sun moved across the sky. Their mother did everything she could to draw him out of his shell. She got him involved with planting a garden behind the cabin, which kept him busy and focused for a time, though he still had a tendency to drift, his head tilted towards the clouds.

Sometimes, his gaze would settle on the treetops where a beady-eyed raven would sit, its feathery coat glistening and slick. It stared down at Shouto, its wing feathers ruffling agitatedly, then screeched at the top of its lungs. The surrounding birds joined in, creating a cacophony of chirps and tweets and caws. One of them was even brave enough to attack, flying straight for Shouto, who made no move to dodge. Fortunately, their mother swept him up in time and carried him inside.

They never found out why the birds didn't seem to like him, but once when she went into town, Touya discovered what was on his mind.

He'd dropped Fuyumi and Natsuo off at the bus stop but hadn't stuck around to join them. His wounds were bothering him more than usual that day, and he was tired of fielding questions about the grotesque hypertrophic scars spiderwebbing his arms and neck.

There was a trail from the bus stop that he and Natsuo had cleared of the twigs and rocks that had gathered after years of neglect, though they ended up liking the coating of dead leaves somewhat obscuring it from sight, so they left those where they lay. The result was a peaceful walk underneath the canopy of the bordering trees, with a pleasant crunch underneath their feet. Even when he wasn't going to school or doing errands, Touya would sometimes follow the winding path just to clear his head.

Upon returning to the cabin, something neither Shouto nor his mother were expecting since Touya hadn't informed them of his plans to skip school that day, he spotted the dual-colored head of his little brother standing outside. Just when he was about to call out to him, flames sprang from Shouto's skin, enveloping exactly half of his body. He was so small and the fire was so wild, raging uncontrollably over his flesh, that it looked as though he were being consumed by it, and Touya yelled out to him, already running.

Shouto winced as the flames began to deepen in color, their scarlet tongues slipping into a hungry blue. They licked at his bandages, greedily eating them for fuel, exposing the damage around his left eye. "Stay back! I can do this," Shouto called out when he saw Touya getting close. "I can do this much."

It was the same technique Endeavor had been training them to do. The one that left Touya with arms that wept and stung when he moved. He didn't understand why Shouto would push himself to do such a thing when their father wasn't around. Could it be because Shouto was still afraid of him? More than ever, Touya felt like he didn't know his little brother. He didn't know his likes, his dislikes, his fears or his favorite things. But he wanted to. He wanted to get to know his little brother better, to play with him and laugh and watch him grow up with as much of a happy, normal childhood as they could salvage.

More than anything, Touya wanted Shouto to be happy.

And that was when he realized why his little brother was pushing himself so hard. Biting his tongue so he wouldn't cry out, Touya reached into the flames, noting Shouto's alarm with detached amusement when he grabbed hold of his wrist. "You've got it backwards, little brother." His lips quirked into a wry smirk. "It's not up to you to protect us. I'm the one who should be protecting you guys." Rubbing the knuckles of his free hand goodnaturedly against Shouto's forehead, he added, "Plus, Natsuo, me, Fuyumi, and Mom - we're all pretty strong, you know. Don't count us out, just yet."

Quickly, the flames began to cool, returning to a low-oxygen yellow as Shouto starved them. Given his age, the control he had over his quirk was downright miraculous. Figuring that Shouya wasn't up for being treated like a prodigy right then, Touya made a mental note to mention it another time.

He was about ready to herd Shouto back into the cabin, but when he opened his mouth to suggest they head inside, Shouto muttered softly, "Endeavor didn't do this." His hand was pressed against the healing burn over his eye. The one that would never completely go away. Touya had no idea what he was talking about and said as much. Shouto bit his lip. "I needed to get rid of him, or he was going to hurt you. This was the best way. The only way."

It was a lot to process. If Touya was understanding this correctly, his little brother was basically admitting to permanently scarring himself on purpose.

Had he really been that desperate? They were all pushed into the same corner, so how had none of them noticed how far in he must have been? How alone he must have felt?

But he wasn't alone, anymore. He never was.

"I'm not going to tell Mom," Touya said eventually, deliberating over each word as he watched for a reaction, "or Fuyumi," Shouto breathed out a small sigh of relief, relaxing, "but you have to promise me you won't hurt yourself again," then lifted his head sharply, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Unfortunately for him, his older brother was stubborn, too. Touya held out a pinky. "Promise?"

Shouto stared at the offered appendage with apparent distaste, but Touya wouldn't be dissuaded. He'd hold his pinky out until it fell off if that was what it took. Finally, Shouto's shoulders slumped. He entwined a finger around Touya's, nodding mutely. A wordless cry escaped when Touya used the contact to pull him forward, wrapping him up into a tight hug. "Don't scare me like that again," he whispered into his hair. "I couldn't bear to lose you because of _him_. Not now when we're finally, finally free." He didn't mention the tears rolling down Shouto's cheeks. There wasn't a need to. Sometimes, certain truths didn't need to be spoken.

Sometimes, they only needed to be shared.

Once Shouto had cried himself out, losing a little of the hauntedness in his gaze in the process, Touya gave his shoulder a gentle, prompting squeeze. He motioned towards the cabin. "Come on. I thought I saw Natsuo sneak brownies into the refrigerator earlier." He winked. "What do you say we dig Fuyumi's secret stash of marshmallows out of the pantry and have ourselves a feast?"

Shouto frowned. "Aren't they going to be mad if we eat their food?"

But Touya already had a plan for that. "Not if we save them some. So," and he could tell from the considering expression on Shouto's face that he was on the brink, "what do you say?"

Right then, for the first time in ages, Touya saw a real, honest miracle.

Standing under the treetops, shadows and sunlight dancing over his hair, Shouto began to laugh.


End file.
